Panty Pranks

Panty Pranks

in an act of free expression
my defiled garments
were left under the influence
of permanent markers
piled in a hot heap
on the tile-trodden floor
of the Laundromat

here is what those pranksters
wrote on my poor panties:


Pink lace boy shorts:
muffin top + doily
=
sweet spillage


Black & white polka dot bra:
(now with doorknobs)
BASS VOLUME


Floral-patterned granny panties:
insert udder here


White thong:
THE flux capacitor


Tan-colored:
comfy cotton thong
I believe in magic
Make me disappear


Lavender silk thong:
Pusssssy!!!


Baby blue whale briefs:
Rough Seas Ahead


Ribbon-edged sheer:
I’m cheap enough to rip off!


Pin-striped set:
lightning blue thread and bows
Corn or Cob?


Gold ruffles:
Temper Tantrum?
Spank Me!


Cotton rainbow-colored
bikini bottom:
the tunnel to
the land of the unicorns
Beware of Dragons!


Red boyshorts:
Red Rover Red Rover
Send Big Boy on over


Satin triple v string:
Rice Pudding Dispenser


Neon orange and green
heart hiphuggers:
laundry card: $5
bottle of tide: $12.99
new lingerie: $34
your face when you find this: Priceless
ps don’t leave your clothes in the machine
its rude


What those jerks don't realize is that it costs way more than thirty-four bucks to replace an entire set of woman's underwear.